Bambule

...childhood was not an unhappy one. Yet she was fatally attracted to unhappiness. When the day's lessons were over, she would often go home with other girls. In the privacy of someone's own room, with the door closed on adult interference, their cigarettes lit, she would expound to others her views on art, morals, politics, history, religion, literature...

The slide into terror can be explained by the brain illness

When writing: two lines—by the end of the second line, one cannot remember the beginning of the first—

The feeling, internal burnout—

the feeling, if one must say what’s wrong, if one wants to let it out, it’s like a rush of boiling water in the face, like, for example, boiling water that scalds forever, that disfigures—

Raging aggressiveness, for which no outlet exists. That’s the worst. Keen awareness that one cannot survive; a complete breakdown of the capacity to deal with this;