ANTIOCH STALEMATE 3

There's no mercy, all this again when we're all not well. This serves no purpose to anyone, there's nothing new here it just reopens old wounds so we can all suffer again. I've had all the threats, abuse and insults already i'm not going to justify myself ever again.  He's not an angry man with me, he's very calming and understanding of my wild temper i can't support his right to die because he's been wise and i've been stupid, i'll never be the same without him. He'll never know what he means to me, i listen to these tapes, they're film soundtracks and very old records he sent me they remind me of the old days i remember. I don't think we get along very well he out thinks me every step of the way and i like to win sometimes. It's a long story but in spite of everything that's gone wrong i'm deeply fond of him, i'm tired of being called a sicko and a weirdo he isn't the same as he used to be but there's no second chances in this life i know that from experience. Peace to us all, thank you.

the singer and the song

F.O.D.I.W.L.

"I generally don't have prophetic dreams, apart from when I was preagnant with my eldest, but I'm fascinated by the concept. Time seems to be a law that just doesn't apply to dreams - I've had mamoth epics between snooze alarms -…" I've been trough a wierd adjustment lately. I've always had halucinations for as long as I can remember but I've generally kept it a bit quiet because I had to assume that I'm compleatly nuts and didn't really want to advertise it. Anyhow, I don't know what changed but I finally decided to go see a doctor about it and it turns out I'm not nuts at all, I'm epileptic. Aparently mild epilepsy often causes auditory and visual halucinations rather than fitting. Who knew? It's all great news because I've always been afraid of being given heavy medication. Every now and then Ceri messes with my head about it just a little but that's okay because it's not a touchy subject any more. Still, I wish he'd stop telling me I just halucinated buying a huge chocolate bar and putting it in the fridge.

replaced

I used to read until I read Catch 22 and my mind exploded.

Catch22 work with young people and their families within England and Wales. They provide advice, mentoring, mediation, accommodation, education and employment opportunities to young people. They primarily work in schools, community centres and police stations.

The Wannadies - You and Me Song

For some reason people keep asking me about this. Why? I received an e-mail from this blogger while I was still living in Fargo, ND. He (?) just let me know that he read and liked my blog (the original Fifthnail). I thanked him in reply, then looked at his blog. But, I didn't really understand it. (It was something about a boy named Sasha, I think). I also posted something in my own blog about this, but if I remember correctly it was short and sweet (and probably cryptic as well). That's all I remember.

Rapid Tranquillisation

Quantum Social Workers

Not having slept for some twenty-six hours I was starting to feel quite jaded but my mind was teeming with horrific images. A middle-aged British lady suddenly materialized beside me and introduced herself. She announced that she was, or had been, a social worker or child protection officer and insisted on showing me her professional papers, including, I think, her Criminal Records Bureau certificate. She asked me to sit down on a low wall, plonked herself next to me and told me she wanted to go through everything that had happened the previous night. She was quite pushy and her manner, her very presence, were making me feel uncomfortable and adding to my distress. (...) And something about it, something about her, just didn't feel right. I was glad I extricated myself. This woman would pop up several times in the days and months to come and I still don't really know who she is or what she was trying to achieve.

- Chapter 6 "Friday 4 May" pp. 111-112.